This month’s printable is all about connecting to the archetype of the mother and all the mysteries that surround it. My mom isn’t a typical mom. I didn’t grow up with typical childhood memories. As I watch my mom neglect her dying mother, I start to realize all of the neglect I faced as a child. My mom is a “good person” I think. She’s a southern baptist. She’s an accountant. She’s not overly showy with emotions. There are things about her I admire and there are things that truly frighten me. Because I was so neglected as a child, I have rejected the idea and the stereotypes of motherhood. Because I was abused by her sister, my aunt – I have fully rejected any notion of being considered someone’s aunt. I am aunt to two amazing nephews and I am a stepmother to a wonderful little six year old, but I couldn’t call myself a stepmother, even after six years and I couldn’t call myself an aunt even after four. That is, until I did my tarot/oracle/bibliomancy thing the other day and…

The message came in loud and clear! Address the neglect. Forgive and heal. Address the mother wounding. Forgive and heal. Address the abuse. Forgive and heal. I was led to a passage about the Goddess Epona. It explained that while her story is sparsely catalogued throughout history, her veneration has remained all these thousands of years. Down the winding rabbit hole of academic resources; I came across a quote that said worshipping Epona is “a construction, more than a reconstruction.” This ran chills down my spine. I thought, if I’m big brained enough to construct how I want to worship this Deity, then surely I can use those same smarts to construct a positive experience with motherhood rather than reconstruct the the pain that was caused to me. Instead of pulling away from my maternal or matriarchal duties and all the complications that come along with them, couldn’t I simply construct my own way forward? Epona called to me at a time where I was feeling very lost, and now she returns to me when I’m in need of her bravery once again.

Instead of rejecting my childhood and therefore parts of my adulthood, or railing so hard against the things that happened to me that I leave no room for anything other than my suffocating control, I could literally construct what type of motherhood I’m comfortable with and prioritize a genuine connection with my stepdaughter, my nephews and those around me who rely on me to be consistent in this matriarchal role I never thought I’d have to embrace. I can create safe spaces that are centered around creative exploration, engaging with nature and self expression. I can bust out the telescope, take day trips to the lake, help though music and plant identification. Simply put: If I’m constructing rather than reconstructing then I can be free to be myself and have confidence that the version of motherhood I’m creating is better than any recreation I could attempt.

Maybe you can relate? Maybe this joyful calendar that my stepdaughter emphatically approved of will both brighten your July and give you the courage to define your own path rather than worrying about following reconstructed norms that don’t suit you. And without further ado… the July Calendar Pack! Love you all!