Here she is. The humble May calendar. Study her closely. There are many magical gems to explore. The red fox from last month makes an appearance and yes, I’ve even got a few life lessons to share.

I’m learning that sometimes “helping” others isn’t really helping at all. When it’s coming from a place of fear or longing for acceptance or even a “tit for tat”. Well, that’s when helping can actually be masking some deeper issues. The lessons that are raining down with the April showers are heavy with emotion and as dark as the clouds, but it’s not all bleak. When the rain has passed and washed away all the old muddy debris it makes room for new life and new growth. I’m learning painful lessons. First and foremost is that sometimes I’m not all that helpful. This lesson is deeply painful because I derive value from being of service to others, but here’s what happened. Over time I endured traumatic situations that caused me to change my behaviors and altar my perceptions. That also meant that over time I began expending huge amounts of energy to these tasks. When I was still in danger, these tasks and routines literally saved my life, but now that I’m no longer in danger I’m expending so much energy for something that really isn’t necessary.

This means that when I give too much of myself away to others, no matter the reason, I’m depleting my energy to a point where I often need to ask for help from others to get me through my days. In this way, I’m not really helping someone else. I’m using others to supply that help. That’s not fair to me or them. It creates a system I can’t keep up with.

So in in May I’m trying something new. I’m not going to be helpful. Instead, I’m going to focus on being self sufficient. All that energy I expend on wanting to “help” or even “save” others – that energy is no longer going where it isn’t even desired. In May, instead, it’s going to be focused on taking a good hard look at myself and the ways that I can become more reliable. Taking steps to help myself like making meal replacement shakes every morning instead of only half the time, walking my dogs twice a day instead of just once, or even just keeping my commitments instead of burning out half way through my plans and needing to cancel the rest of the day (or week even) are just a few small steps that can help me regain a little bit of power.

Without further ado here are the May Calendar resources. You can also find them for free in my Ko-Fi Shop. Maybe you are also struggling with giving too much of yourself away; to others, to social media, to addictions; whatever the case, you aren’t alone. We can always claim our power back and work our way towards a more functional lifestyle. This May I’m going to try. How bout you?